REAL RELATIONSHIPS – TRUE RELATIONSHIPS IN A FACEBOOK WORLD

*The following is a sermon I presented at DaySpring Fellowship meeting today. It is written as I would speak, try and ignore the incomplete sentences, poor grammar, etc.

[James 2 – Luke 10.29 – Col 3.12-14 – 1 Cor 13.4-8 – Matt 7.12 – Eph 4 – Mt 28.18ff]

Recently I have been thinking a lot about relationships. I talked briefly a few weeks ago about “Real relationships – True Relationships” in a communion talk I gave. It is a topic, which I am working at and trying to figure out myself ... I am a work in progress.

How does God want us to live?
How does He want us to interact?
To take care of one another?
To care?
To love one another?

There is so much in the Scriptures about relationships. Today I would like us to think about relationships in general. Not husband-wife, not parent-kid, not boss-worker, not any specific relationships – what we are going to talk about transcends all these.

Real Relationships – True Relationships IN A FACEBOOK WORLD

A lawyer asked Jesus about relationships … after he correctly quoted from the OT law that we should “… love our neighbor as ourselves” he asks Jesus, “Who is my neighbor?”

Jesus answers with a parable about the Good Samaritan. In the story … the religious people walked by … too busy to care, too hurried to stop and help. Good Sam was a guy who broke tradition, broke the rules to take care of someone in need. He helped the man get help and paid for the health care of this person in need, someone he did not even know, someone he was not supposed to even talk to – someone different from him!

Real Relationships – True Relationships is caring, giving of time, don’t be so rushed you can’t help those in need.

A friend of mine used to always leave home early for church meetings and other events so that if on the way he came across someone with car trouble he would have time to stop and offer assistance. Don’t be so rushed you can’t help those in need.

Let’s stop and talk about neighbors. Who is your neighbor? How about = people in close proximity to you. What about where you live … your neighbors in your neighborhood. We live in what has become a strange society … growing up I lived at the same house in West Eugene for about 12 years … our neighbors, the 4 houses directly around us, the same people lived there during that time and I only knew the names of the family to our North. I never even knew the names of the other 3 families.

Being a home Designer (and someday soon) Builder I blame part of this on the houses. The majority of houses built since the late 1950s promote isolation. A person drives into their driveway, opens the garage door, parks and does not come out again but once a week to mow the front lawn (unless they hire someone else to do it). What happened to the front porch for sitting, lounging, and entertaining neighbors? My home designs include an inviting front porch to encourage interaction with neighbors. Poor home designs are a pet peeve of mine.

Today my family is slightly better at knowing our neighbors. At least we know the names of our neighbors and my wife arranges nice gifts, which we deliver as a family for various holidays during the year and try and stop and talk with them when we get the chance. Our neighbors are … there are two widows on either side of us (Mary & Hope), a single nurse across the street (Cheryl), and also across the street a retired couple (Mr & Mrs … opps, almost forgot Dale & Carol).

So, there is your neighborhood. Who else is your neighbor? The people who sit in the pews around you at church? The people in your support group? The people you work with? The people at the coffee shop? Your friends on Facebook?

FaceBook, speaking of FB. I must admit I am a social networking junkie. You might think this weird but I have profile accounts on MySpace, Facebook, Plaxo, Linkedin, Blogger, Classmates.com, Twitter, and ping.fm, which links most of them together.

There are many relationship opportunities through these sites and it has been fun to reconnect with HS acquaintances after 20 years. Ministry also takes place through the contacts on these social networking websites, in fact I have been asked to post this message when I am done with it. However, with 430 “friends” on FB, how deep of relationship can I have? Not very deep!

How deep are the relationships in your life. With your co-workers, with your community groups, with your Bible study group? Do you really know them? What are they dealing with this week? How are they spiritually, REALLY?

Real Relationships – True Relationships – God wants us to go deeper, to know greater, to care, to have compassion for what each other is going through

Look at James 2.1-13 - it is about relationships.

1My brethren, do not hold your faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ with an attitude of personal favoritism.
2For if a man comes into your assembly with a gold ring and dressed in fine clothes, and there also comes in a poor man in dirty clothes,
3and you pay special attention to the one who is wearing the fine clothes, and say, "You sit here in a good place," and you say to the poor man, "You stand over there, or sit down by my footstool,"
4have you not made distinctions among yourselves, and become judgeswith evil motives?
5Listen, my beloved brethren: did not God choose the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which He promised to those who love Him?
6But you have dishonored the poor man. Is it not the rich who oppress you and personally drag you into court?
7Do they not blaspheme the fair name by which you have been called?
8If, however, you are fulfilling the royal law according to the Scripture, “YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF," you are doing well.
9But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors.
10For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles in one point, he has become guilty of all.
11For He who said, "DO NOT COMMIT ADULTERY," also said, "DO NOT COMMIT MURDER." Now if you do not commit adultery, but do commit murder, you have become a transgressor of the law.
12So speak and so act as those who are to be judged by the law of liberty.
13For judgment will be merciless to one who has shown no mercy; mercy triumphs over judgment.

Sometimes we get hung up on how he says we are to treat the poor, but it is really about treating anyone who is different. Many of us would have no trouble being nice to a poor person.

But maybe it’s the ultra rich or celebrity, would you interact with them? A couple weeks ago I listened to some business CDs and the speaker was talking about marketing ideas, one being sending small gifts to people who give you business referrals, basically when they recommend your business. At the time he was sending $30 gift certificates to a nice local restaurant. Also during this time he received a referral from a very wealthy acquaintance, a guy worth $30 million. So he had a dilemma, it was his practice to send out a thank you and a $30 gift certificate, but this guy does not need a $30 gift, he could buy the restaurant if he wanted to. Thinking to himself, “do I send a whole stack of gift certificates?” No. “Do I send one? He does not need $30.” He finally sent one with his normal thank you note. When the $30 mil man got the note and gift he called right back and said, “thank you, that was so nice of you, I have never received such a nice gift for a referral. I’ll have more referrals for you.” You see this rich man was just like you and me, we are all alike, and we all have the same felt needs of significance and recognition.

Many today have no problem talking with the poor or treating the poor well, but what about you … think about it … what kind of people do you dislike the most? Who makes you blood boil?

How would you treat them if they came to one of our meetings?

James compares this partiality with murder, with adultery … it is sin. “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

How do you want to be treated?
How do you want to be loved?
Do you want people to care about YOUR life and struggles?
Do you want people to have compassion about YOUR situation?
Then have compassion about THEIRS!

In the later part of this chapter James links what we do with our faith. He says if you are not doing anything with your faith you don’t have real faith. Do you really believe? Then like Garth Blake said last week, “walk the talk”. James says even the Demons believe in God, if you are not helping your brothers and sisters in need, when you see a need you can meet, you are no better than the Demons. Our belief in God, our faith should lead us to help others.

James 2.14-20

14What use is it, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but he has no works? Can that faith save him?
15If a brother or sister is without clothing and in need of daily food,
16and one of you says to them, "Go in peace, be warmed and be filled," and yet you do not give them what is necessary for their body, what use is that?
17Even so faith, if it has no works, is dead, being by itself.
18But someone may well say, "You have faith and I have works; show me your faith without the works, and I will show you my faith by my works."
19You believe that God is one You do well; the demons also believe, and shudder.
20But are you willing to recognize, you foolish fellow, that faith without works is useless?

Don’t be so rushed you don’t take time to help others …

This year I have been getting reacquainted with a very good friend from HS. We have met occasionally to talk business and have enjoyed reminiscing some about past and he has given me some great business advice. A couple months ago we went and got burgers and he shared some very personal family struggles he has been dealing with and that he has very few people to talk with about it. We talked awhile about the issues and then I went home. Over the weekend I was praying for him and planned to call and check with him within a few days. Well … I got busy with my family and business and did not call. A couple weeks went by and I gave him a call asking if I could stop by and show him my new work truck … and I was planning on asking about how he was doing … however, he was too busy. A few more weeks went by I gave him a call asked if I could stop by and show him my truck … He was available. So I stopped by and showed my truck and we talked business for a while and then he stopped me and explained how hurt he was - by me. He had shared how he had opened up and shared his most vulnerable aspects of his life and how he had very few people he could talk to about it and I did not even give him a call for 6 weeks! He told me that he could not trust me with his personal life and that we could continue as business associates, but he could not trust me with the personal. I tried to explain that I meant to call … I meant to ask … I meant to check back with him, I meant to ask how he was doing … it was too late.

Don’t be so busy … so rushed you don’t take time to help others.

About a month ago I saw a picture of a teenage friend on a FaceBook. I thought to myself I should call on him, I should check in with him. You see his parents divorced a year (1 1/2) ago. I had met with him when they were first going thru that process and he seemed to be handling it fine. He is a very well liked Christian kid with lots of friends, a loving family, and a lot going for him. At the end of our visit I told him to call me if he ever needed any thing or wanted to talk. Two weeks ago, I went to a memorial service with more than 800 others who went to remember this nice kid. He died of an apparent suicide.

Until heaven, I will be reminded don’t be so busy … so rushed I don’t take time to call.

Real Relationships – True Relationships … make time; take the time to care - to show you care and that you are there for them.

As I see it there are 3 levels of commitment for the Christian:

1. Show you care about the welfare of your brothers and sisters and neighbors. When you ask, “How are you?” Really mean it. Look them in the eye and expect an answer, a real answer. Be willing to give the time to listen to a real answer.

And be willing to take relationships to another level of commitment.

2. Developing in-depth relationships with brothers and sisters and neighbors. Where you know what they are rejoicing about and what they mourn, what they struggle with and how they are victorious. This takes time and you can effectively only have this type of relationship with a dozen or so people.

Time given to real relationships – true relationships. Matthew writes in chapter 18, if your brother sins confront him in private. Also, when our brother or sister is allowing God to work in his life the opposite should be true – celebrate in public, praise the Lord!

These types of close relationships the Church desperately needs to develop.

3. Becoming a mentor. In disciple-making and mentoring relationships even more commitment is required. Jesus told His disciples to make disciples. Time is required; effectively you can only have this kind of relationship with a handful of same-gender people. It takes time to teach a neighbor about sin, salvation, God’s plan, Jesus, heaven, the Church, the Scriptures, etc. Think about this … Jesus took three years to disciple His original disciples and He is God.

Mentoring within the church takes time; effectively you can only have this type of relationship with a handful of same-gender people. Paul writes to Titus to teach the older women to teach the younger women to love their husbands, to be pure, to be sensible, etc. Younger men are to be mentored to be examples of good deeds, dignified, and to have self-control , etc.

Speaking of good deeds. This is what the church is to be teaching and practicing. Church leader are to, “equip the Saints for works of service” according to Eph 4.

Often when we talk about hiring a Preacher/Minister we want him to do hospital visits and in-home visits (and this is true). But is not the greater truth that church leaders should equip the Church to be doing these works of service/good deeds?

If our goal is real relationships shouldn’t we-the-people be checking on each other? Shouldn’t every member be known enough by other members to know when they have needs?

This is my challenge to you … this week and every week. Make the phone calls, handwrite the personal notes, send the e-mail of encouragement, take a friend to coffee or lunch or breakfast, or invite a friend over to your house for dessert or for a BBQ.

Ask serious questions of your brothers and sisters:
What is God doing in your life?
What is God teaching you this week?
How can I pray for you?
How can I help you in your relationship with God?

Don’t wait another day - because you don’t know how much time you have.

James writes, “Come now you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit”. Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes and goes away. Instead, you ought to say, “If the Lord wills we will live and do this or that.” But as it is, you boast in your arrogance; all such boasting is evil. Therefore the one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin.”

I would like to close with reading, Ephesians 5.1-16; sad to say I don’t see many living lives like this, including myself most of the time. Don’t tune out yet; listen to what the Scriptures are saying to you. How are we to live in this dark world?

Ephesians 5.1-16
1Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children;
2and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.
3But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints;
4and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.
5For this you know with certainty, that no immoral or impure person or covetous man, who is an idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.
6Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.
7Therefore do not be partakers with them;
8for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light
9(for the fruit of the Light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth),
10trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord.
11Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them;
12for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret.
13But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light.
14For this reason it says,

"Awake, sleeper,

And arise from the dead,

And Christ will shine on you."
15Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise,
16making the most of your time, because the days are evil.