Single? Looking for Mr Right? Or Miss Right?

Tuesday, August 14, 2007 By Nate Fowler

Would Mr. Right Please Stand Up: A letter to the ladies

This generation has become a generation full of Internet. If you need information, you don't go to the local library and search strenuously until you find that perfect source. Nope, you type your subject matter into that little search bar you popped up on google. Well, I'm so sorry to be the one to point this fact out to you, but you're not going to type "Mr. Right" into that search bar and find the man of your dreams.

The waiter walked up to us and quickly put napkins on our table in order to mark as a place setting, showing that we had been greeted. He sharply began our interaction with, "good afternoon, can I get some drinks coming your way". I casually looked at my date, who for the sake of this story will be named Jill, and motioned for her to have the first order. Shortly after he took our drink orders we dove deep into conversation.

Jill has been a great friend of mine for many years. Her and I have seen each other go through great times full of laughter and joy but also the times full of tears and heartache. There was this weird connection between her and I. We were always such great friends, but yet there was no attraction between the two of us. This made for some very interesting conversations.

Jill and I have sat late into the night discussing many different topics that each and every person will go through, and has gone through. Something that Jill has struggled with in the past is finding "Mr. Right". She would often times become somewhat emotional when she began talking with me and sharing her heart pertaining to this matter. I think that this is exactly how many single girls feel today, right now. But ladies don't worry, young men are feeling the same way. Even though many young men would never admit it, we often times think about our future soul mate. Personally, I spend time in thought and prayer for my future wife. Her safety, family, happiness, friendships, relationships, every aspect of her life. I pray that God will continue to prepare my heart in order to be the best man I can be for her. Even though many men do not go about it the same way that I have, they are thinking about and are concerned with meeting "the one" as well. But, the point of this little story is not to talk about what men are doing, but to clarify some issues and challenges girls living in this generation are going through in their search of "Mr. Right".

It was well after 9:30 pm and the restaurant was getting ready to close. Jill and I were deep into a thought that I just couldn't cut short. Our server was finishing his closing duties so he really didn't mind us taking our time. Jill's eyes were red and a bit puffy from tearing as I began to share my thoughts on her tender question. Jill leaned over the table and with a sensitive tone said, "Nate, what is wrong with me? Why can't I meet him? The one?"

When those words came out of Jill's mouth I really didn't know exactly how to react. I took a second to look into her eyes and decipher how serious she was about this statement. It was serious. I took a second to think...

Jill has a pretty outgoing lifestyle. She is always telling me about these guys that she meets downtown that are just so sweet. Things go great for about a week or two, then she finds out a whole different story than the one she received from him upon first meeting. She tells me stories about how she cant find a guy that is honest about his intentions for spending time with her, often times she discovers they want to get the physical intimacy started to warm-up for the emotional relationship. They like to spend all day and every weekend with the boys and do guy stuff. Well, she thinks that's just boys being boys. Well ladies, that's EXACTLY what it is and you're never going to get more than a boy from that. Jill is such a sweet-hearted person and is often times attracted to very outspoken personalities. Guys that would be considered "rough around the edges". Jill shares with me that she has a real heart for these guys, these guys just need some love.

She spends a lot of time with her girlfriends and she loves doing all the girly things. She has sleep-overs with her best friends, drama movie nights, and themed parties with invites to all the neighbors. She is a full time student as well as a full time employee. She goes to a local Christian church once in awhile with her group of friends in order to get a "feel good" buzz and hopefully meet a guy with some decent morals. She always asks her boy interests to come to church with her but of course, he's doing "guy stuff" and can't make it. On the weekends, Jill once again spends time with her friends while wishing her interest was with her. Since she's a student at the University there is always some get together happening on or near campus. She likes to say she's going to have a drink, but ends up getting pretty crazy. She usually makes her rounds at the party meeting new guys, meeting new people, and doing some crazy dances in front of the camera. Jill loves to have a good time. But all the while, Jill is longing for a man that doesn't spend every second with his friends. A man that is going to embrace spending time with Jill without distraction of other people.

These are the thoughts that blazed through my mind before I even tried to speak a word in response to her question. The only thing I could think to say was, "where are you looking for "Mr. Right"?" She slowly mumbled and responded with, "everywhere, I guess..?"

Ladies, if you're going to read anything I have written on this page please let it be this. If you are looking everywhere, then you are going to find EVERTHING! This is the exact reason that Jill was having so much trouble in her search for "Mr. Right", she didn't even know where to look or what she was looking for specifically! Jill simply had it in her mind that she would find any random guy she thought was good looking and make him into what she thought the perfect guy was. If you're just waiting for this magical feeling of love to come sweep over your heart when you see him, then you're going to go through many times of trial and heartache that could have easily been avoided.

To be honest with you, I'm really getting tired of young ladies these days playing the "oh, poor me" card. This card has been in use for far to long and I think it is time for ladies to put it away and stop looking at how there are no good guys left in the world, but start seeking them out where they will be found. Better yet, help shape young men into the man that you are currently seeking.

If you are living a life like Jill, spending your time in constant hunt mode and still leading a life that is just fun and carefree then you are going to fall simply into a feeling of lust, not love. You so badly want to feel this feeling that you've seen on the movies, be swept off your feet and whisked away into a romantic setting in which your love speaks simple nothings into your ear. THIS DOESN'T HAPPEN DOWNTOWN IN THE LOCAL TAVERN, OR AT THE FRAT HOUSE. Ladies, you speak so strongly about how many guys out there are pigs, well I'm sorry to bring this up but we're not the only ones at fault here. Us guys are not the ones going around wearing mini skirts and tank tops, not saying there are not guys who do so, but I feel that you ladies need to step up and take more responsibility in the way that you shape the minds and thoughts of the young men around you. If you are wearing a skimpy little outfit yet you say that you need to find a decent guy, this is playing a double standard. Ladies, if you are not acting and dressing in a decent fashion then why would a decent guy be interested in pursuing you? This generation is so full of exploitation it literally makes my stomach ache. So many young ladies feel that in order to receive attention from young men you must show some skin. To tell you the truth ladies, you could walk in the room with jeans and a turtle neck on and we would still be attracted to you, that's just how we're made. I challenge you to stop looking at all the guys in the world and calling us perverts of society and start looking at one another and the standards that you have set for yourselves. This is not one or another's fault, that's not where I'm going with this. The reason that you feel you need to wear that skirt is because you saw another girl at the mall wearing a similar skirt, or a girl on MTV getting all the attention wearing a skirt like that. Not because a guy walked up to you and said, "in order for me to talk to you I want to see a skirt". If you wear the outfits, of course men will look ladies, come on! You are attracting the very guys that you are trying to avoid!

You ladies are so precious. You have so much to offer your families, friends, and others around you. It makes me so sad when I see you put yourself into a situation with a guy who is not going to offer the same. So many girls today are attracted to the rebels. Well, if that's what you're looking for then that's exactly what you're going to get. You are going to get a guy who doesn't want to see situations, love, or blessings the way that they come, he is fighting life. You are going to get a guy that you are going to have to change. If you are attracted to the guys that need your help to change them, then you are going to spend a relationship of many tears, heartache, and pain. This is not a man, this is boy who has no direction, goals, focus, and who has had very little experience in situations that build character. His lack of character is going to produce lack of responsibility. This will lead to a lack of dependability and lack of dependability will lead to a constant battle of attempts and failures. I am not saying that trying and not succeeding is a bad thing, I am saying that guys who have honestly tried and failed on their own digression seeking their OWN goals will and have built character. You will never be able to instill character into a guy who has not and does not want it for himself. IT'S NOT YOUR JOB EITHER. This is a huge burden that you are taking upon yourselves. You are nurturers by nature, seek out a MAN that will be able to love you as much as you love he. Seek out a MAN that has goals, ambitions, and a desire to treat you as the precious young lady in which you are. Seek out a man of character that is ready to love and support you the way you deserve right now, not after you get done with him.


As these thoughts came pouring out of my mouth a thousand miles a minute Jill looked at me with a somewhat blank stare on her face. I paused in silence for a moment then softly said," did that make any sense?." She looked at me with a half smile, half laugh and half cry and said, "I think so..."

I guess the bottom line that I'm getting at here ladies is; "Mr. Right" is out there but where are you looking and what is your criteria? You know deep down in your heart that you are looking for a man that is going to stand up for you even when you're wrong. A man that is going to hold your hand even when you're in public. A man that is going to softly kiss your forehead and wipe your tear with his thumb as he rests his hand on your cheek. Most importantly, you are searching for a man that is willing to step up and lead the way a man should. You want him to provide for you, to be the one that says it's "ok" even when you know the situation is not good. You are looking for a man of character, not a boy with lack of focus and no heart for anything greater than himself.

My challenge to all of you ladies and in search of this illusive "Mr. Right" is this; are you living in a way that is going to attract this kind of man? Are you presenting yourself by the way you speak, dress, act, and socialize in a manner that would be attractive to this man that you yourself have set such high standards for?

Coming from the words of a 22 year old, newly engaged male, we hold these standards also. If you are looking for love at a party full of boys, you're going to get a boy that likes to party. If you are looking for a man that holds himself with integrity and character, you are going to find a man that has something to offer you that you will not find anywhere else. You do not want to spend your life searching and changing. Spend your life loving, laughing, focused, nurtured, protected, and all the other words you could possibly ever dream of. There are those "Mr. Rights" out there, and they are all looking for that "Ms. Right".

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